Surrender - How this mantra has changed my perspective recently
Surrender has been my mantra over the past few months. Learning to lean into the ebbs & flows that life presents daily, as opposed to fighting them so hard. Motherhood really flips your perspective on its head, in the most beautiful way.
You don’t realize how much free time you really have before parenthood 😂😂 - 3 hour surfs every morning, working non-stop every day into the late hours, painting for hours daily, actually sleeping through the night 🤣. These moments are long gone in this chapter, but I’ve been leaning into welcoming the change and all it’s teaching me.
The first few months postpartum, I completely and utterly let go of any expectations, and just embraced every moment with my baby girl, you truly can’t get those moments back and I’ll always look back at that time as so incredibly blissful - soaking up all the first smiles, giggles, the beauty and bond of breastfeeding, snuggles and naps together, just really being present. It honestly was a rebirth for me as well - embracing this new body, this fierce love, this new title of mom and what that means, changing emotions and perspective shifts, all of it so wildly beautiful.
As life continued to evolve, and I slowly started to welcome back in a routine of work/life balance, I’ve really battled with it. I want to spend every moment with my girl, be there for her and just focus on her, but I also have worked so hard to build this life and my business. It’s a part of me that brings me joy and I want to continue to honor that. I need to still be a present wife and partner. I need to refill my cup emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally - to be the best mother to Yemaya - and also to lead by example on taking care of yourself, chasing your dreams, and taking care of those around you. Where’s the balance? I honestly hate that word, is there ever really balance - or are we just a swinging pendulum between our extremes?
Marshall and I are constantly communicating on how we can better support each other in this chapter so we do try to find the time to do all the things. With him working endless 12 hour shifts Monday-Friday at the hospital and us working the shop all weekend together, the best schedule we could work out was we each would try and give each other an hour window in the morning to do something for ourselves whether that be surf, exercise, paint, yoga, meditate, go for a walk, literally anything. My issue was that this was my only window - I have a child with severe fomo who literally never naps 😂 - and what do I chose to do with this one hour!??? The decision felt overwhelming! First and foremost, I always want to surf (if the wave is not too big 😂 too small is never an issue), but I may feel guilty surfing because I really need to get work done, I should be painting, I should be working on the to do list for Peace of Wood, I should be prepping my yoga class for Saturday, or maybe I should just be enjoying this time as a family together before Marshall leaves for work!? It has been a complete shitshow in my head!
In breathing one morning while Yemaya and Marshall were still sleeping, the word surrender just kept showing up. Just surrender. Give in and embrace this season, it’s so beautiful! There are a million things to get done, but you’ll figure it out, your baby is healthy and happy and I’m so blessed to have this time with her, you can find small windows throughout the day if you’re mindful of them. I just felt a big release of all of this pressure I was putting on myself. The more I stepped away from the expectation, the more clarity I felt. I have worked out a somewhat schedule of waking up at 4am after feeding Yemaya and using that to get work done - this usually gives me about 2 hours of quiet time while Marshall and Yemaya are sleeping to work and not feel guilty that I’m not being present. It has helped clear so much clutter from my mind. I feel ready and awake when Yemaya wakes up to fully focus on her ❤️. I’ve fully surrendered to the fact that the morning may be my only window to work, and any other time I find from a rouge nap here or there is a bonus. I’ve surrendered to listening to my body each morning on what I need to do for that hour of time - and most mornings lately it has been to soak up that hour as a family - time is so fleeting and those moments are some of my favorites ❤️. It’s not perfect, and there are still days I feel like I’ve failed in some way - but that’s just my mind - and that thinking needs to be reframed. Instead of what didn’t I get done, what did I accomplish? And can we celebrate that! In this focus on surrender and letting go, I’ve realized a few things:
- Let go of the idea that you can plan everything to a T, those days are over, Yemaya will take over any plan I could ever put together 😂. Still hold yourself to a plan of how to reach your goals, but have compassion for when the plan goes to shit
- Set realistic expectations - stop setting your goals so high, you always feel like you failed in some way daily - this has always been a struggle of mine
- Be open to asking for help - I am so blessed to have the community I have, and more often than not, they are happy to help ❤️
- You CAN do it all! This doesn’t mean you can run yourself into the ground while trying to do all the things alone everyday, it means you don’t have to let go of everything you were before becoming a mother, you can still run a business, do the things you love, be a wife, friend, sister, community member, follow your passions and dreams, and be a great mother - and it’s become so much clearer how important it is for Yemaya to see this!!
- Every day is different - one day you’ll accomplish a work goal, the other get some me time, the other have a mother/daughter milestone, the other feel like you’re just surviving, the other have a complete meltdown - but overall - you’re doing it, and it all needs to be celebrated.
- It’s OK to always want to go surf when you get a minute - maybe I’m just putting this one in to selfishly make myself feel better 😂😂 - but seriously! Those things that bring you endless joy, those moments of ‘meaningful play’ are so important and should be valued in our lives.
- Never stop learning and growing - but also have compassion for yourself in the process - it’s not easy - but it’s so worth it ❤️❤️❤️
To all the mamas, sisters, aunties, friends, and amazing women out there - thank you for all you do - I’m endlessly inspired by all of you. May we continue to surrender to the ebbs & flows of life, and appreciate all that they have to offer. But also never stop pushing towards our goals & dreams - and making sure we support those around us to do the same.
Have any advice on how you are finding your ‘balance’ recently? Or what you may be surrendering to?? I’d love to hear! ❤️❤️
Thank you as always for being a part of this journey with me
Endless love and gratitude,